Sunday, March 29, 2020

Emotional Abuse Sucks

Ive been trying to stay away from stupid shit for weeks and no matter how hard I do kelly makes every day even harder. Im going to be honest here, brutally honest. This whole thing started with control. I just wanted to have control of my life. I got so tired of being called names or told I did not do anything. Then it lead to real issues, it lead to me making stupid choices and I own that.

Ive always felt no matter our struggles I could at least provide a safe home comfert and good sex. When i was told my dick wasent working i lost it. I felt like she wanted another man. The last time we had this fight about our sex life I found out about Clayton and now shes back and I fucked up. 

Thankfully all i did was talk, but i still hurt her and im such a piece of shit for that. I really feel like a failure. I have dreams and goals and it seems like now that they are falling into place we have gone in diffrent directions over stupid shit. I guess overall what hurts the most is that when Kelly wants thing its ok,  but when i do i have issues. I want her to see me and understand me and that i dont deserve to be treated like this. I know shes angry but she lead to a lot of this.

I do not react well to others trying to control me and never have. Neither does she. When I tried to control her with Clay it exploded and her doing the same to me will get the same reaction. Working with me and respecting me is key. Instead she trys to use humiliation which will only drive me away.

Ive been trying my best to get rid of shit, Im tired of feeling like my wife is the state fucking prosicutor. i rent a movie and cook she finds some old cap from months ago. When the fuck will Kelly realize no matter how or when she cleans until the horder cleans shit is always going to pop up. God let her go for 8 hours so i can jsut finish this shit already im so fucking sick of it.